beautiful dreamer

Mahalia Dominguez Casiraya in her, errrr, third school (??) after
graduating from college.

She is currently taking up a master's degree in nursing although her first love is the art of communication and marketing.

She is a geek by nature. She is the only person I know who has memorized by heart the name of the man who invented basketball.


One of these days, all her sacrifices and troubles will pay off.
Hang in there, dear ate.


The best thing in every noble dream is the dreamer..." Moncure Conway

ang bonggang bonggang barangay hall!

~sayang naman kung gagawin lang tambayan at tulugan ng mga opisyales di ba. aba 'wag naman.~

blast the past

~old family pictures you wished you have lost and never found. hihi. ~
(actually, these were screen caps from old videos compiled by Tita Florence.)

Picture/ Exhibit #1:

a chapter in my life when i was a total eye sore (this is just a teaser, trust me).

i was the girl doing the dishes. sabi ni ate mye at first glance on the video, she thought i was the helper (not fond of referring to those hardworking citizens inside our homes as maid, katulong or yaya. never.) daw since she couldn't see my face. ate mye's the girl behind who looked as if she's dumping more plates for me to wash. i used to be the glorified dishwasher in our house, something i did not cherish as it did affect my self-esteem. hello, i washed & rinsed dishes while the rest already had their butts on the couch or in idle chit-chats. oh well, it was all in the past and at least i learned that Joy liquid is better than Axion paste. trust me, i know.

Pictures/ Exhibits #2&3:
The coolest mom in Dominguez history, technically if not biologically. genetics made it improbable to have a 'cool' mom in the Dominguez lineage, at least on our branch of the family tree. These were pictures of Tita Helen looking harassed by Marla's tantrums attack. oh but Marla turned out to be the most darling among my cousins. :p

Picture/ Exhibit #4:
Kuya's Loy and Charles, cousins. Not exactly the ideal role models for the younger brood but 'ya gotta hand it to these guys. from lanky, baggy shirt-wearin' boys to driven kings of their respective world.

Picture/ Exhibit #5:
ate beth and kuya charles, siblings. talk about the young, the restless and the beautiful. undeniably the jackpot winners in the genetic lottery :p they didn't have much of these poor angled pictures.

Picture/ Exhibit #6:
with the other Dominguez cousins, way way back.

~not the end~
*wink*

i will tour-o you.

seeing the same sights six times a week makes you wish you can be somewhere else,

doing something else, and being with somebody else.

or else.

here's a snappy tour of what lies ahead in my life past 9:15am; the time when our shuttle leaves the waiting station under the SM overpass.

i've been shuttling to and from Fontana inside Clark Field for about three years now.

my usual seat is at the back of the bus where i have better control on the air-conditioning and more leg space.

welcome to Clark Field, Pampanga! just for the fun of it, i would check out those uniformed sentries to see some potential hotties. paris hilton mode, donchathink? but if ever i spot one, i'd willingly relinquish my conquest to Ate Anna or Ate Yen.

the area right across the clark highway is called Fields, which is Angeles City's red light district. one should see the place at night when the lights are both dim and bright. i enjoy cruising through the area for it's like one steaming cauldron of saucy stories just waiting to be told.
hello, Maalaala Mo Kaya.

i've always been curious about this desolated spot which seems to lead to a forested area, unless there's something else past the empty guard house and iron fences. it's more dramatic in the dusk and if only i have the means, i'd like to have a photoshoot right there.

this is already Fontana property and the yellow building perched right over is the R3 or Residence III which houses 70% (not reliable) of resort offices and casino's accounting department.

that net-covered area was supposedly the butterfly pavilion. but i don't think butterflies showed enthusiasm on inhabiting the forsaken lot. thanks but no thanks, said the butterflies.

that vacated villa used be the executive and accounting office, V3168. we got evicted due to budget cut and i was separated from my all time favorite department. i missed harassing those accounting geeks! hihi. my fondest memories of Fontana were all there at V3168. i'm gonna cry now ;)

our surrogate momma at fontana.

here's ate anna.
she's 31yrs. old and single. (o eh ano naman?)
her heart is bigger than her, eerrr, her. as in her. :p
she attends to our needs like a doting mother.
just don't piss her off like making her wait for more than 5 minutes
and givin' her the muffin attitude. as in ma-feeling attitude.
harharhar!

wish ko lang na magka-boyfriend na si ate anna
so she will be less cranky and she would be so high in love
to get annoyed by petty petty stuff.
that would make Fontana Casino a much serene workplace!

she's up for grabs and there's more of her for you to love,
donchathink? :p

Lolo Ben

how do you mourn a loved one you barely got to love?

this was the question i asked myself when the father of my father died a few months ago. i've had a touchy relationship with my relatives from my father's side ever since my father decided to walk out on us when i was just a kid and my mom was a struggling government employee. my father's family were almost strangers to me and i would only see them on birthdays and funerals. well, at least it can be said that i was with them in celebration of life and grief over death.

i didn't know what feelings should have taken over me when i lost my grandfather. when i heard about his death, the sadness was there but it was more of a sadness over death itself than sadness over the death of a family. i was there in his wake for two nights but i didn't even go near his casket. i had no idea how he looked like after the heart attack that took his life. the Lolo Ben i remember was the seemingly oblivious old man i usually saw sitting contentedly inside the waiting shed in front of the public market. i was told that he was already ulyanin back then but he never quit his regular bicycle ride exercise .

the fondest and in retrospect, the saddest, memory i have about Lolo Ben was when my Lola and i (my mother's mother) went to their home to visit him and Lola Ipa (my father's mother). It was also on that day that i first saw my Lola express her anguish on what my father had done to us. i was perhaps only 9years old then but i was old enough to figure out that my Lola wanted to know where my father was ever since we heard that he already returned from Korea, but we were the last people to know. in my young mind, i know my father did a horrible thing. and i was mad at him.

i did not fully understand their conversation but i thought i got the gist. Lolo Ben and Lola Ipa were also suffering from the truth that their son abandoned his family and took on a clandestine existence for reasons that remain a mystery even up to now. however, Lola Ipa was still a mother who dearly loved his son and was protective of him.

but i will never forget what i saw in Lolo Ben's eyes on that day. it was then that i knew how much he was hurting for everything that has happened. he looked at me and i saw in his eyes, that though they never had the chance to take care of me, i was his dearest grandchild and he loved me. i saw how sorry he was for what his son had done and i think he even felt sorry for me, too. in that look i also saw a doting grandfather who probably thought his apo was cute as a button (i dunno what went wrong) and he seemed sincerely happy to see me; if only he knew that i would turn out to be a prodigal apo.

it was that look that endeared Lolo Ben to me despite the bitterness and resentment i have felt towards my father's family not long after that fateful visit with my Lola. i even bragged about it to my mom and told her that i thought i was really that super special to Lolo Ben.

i had no idea that it would be the last memory of Lolo Ben i would get to cherish.

the funeral was long over and it's been months after i had my emotions mixed up.

pictures during Lolo Ben's funeral. his sons and daughters gathered around when the casket was lowered down. the grandchildren stood closer and held hands. i was contented to watch that moment.

but it was just right this very moment that i realized this-- perhaps i shouldn't have worried about how i should have mourned Lolo Ben. i should have thought about the best way that i should have remembered him.

that fondest memory i have of Lolo Ben flashed into my thoughts when i was at his wake but it got lost into all the confusion in my head. luckily, i found it and i got it back.

today, i consider that memory, that look from Lolo Ben as my inheritance from him.

hu me?

the mood maker.
dun-du-ru-dun-dun-dun!!!